The world of infertility and baby loss is fraught with toxic positivity. You can barely express sadness, frustration, anger, or heartbreak without someone trying to draw a silver lining around your statement and hand you a two-sentence solution like “Be grateful for what you have! It could be worse!”

At the same time, we often want to find our way forward and find ways to move through the pain and challenges. Enter realistic optimism. But what even is realistic optimism? How do we find it, and how do we get our support system to put down the toxic positivity and pick this up instead?

This guide tells you everything you need know.